Re-Birth ~ a naming Ceremony

I arrive in darkness. I am late for my own ceremony. I stand at the top of the hill and I hear the cackle of laughter below as my guides prepare for our journey. I don’t share the same joy for this moment. I am scared about jumping into the water. I am already regretting getting covered in clay. I don’t want to do it, my head says. I start to cry, and this cry carries on to a deep wail. As I am guided down the hill and across the rocks and water, the wailing becomes a cry from a deep place I haven’t touched before. At times, I’m crying so much that I’m bent over and I can’t walk. My guide pauses, and then we carry on. I’m still afraid, but I feel so held and so trusting of this journey which I called forth for myself. I am welcomed lovingly and seen in my tears and my pain, the place I am calling to journey with and release. I am held in my arriving clothes, the dress I made to be pretty, for myself. I’ve adorned myself with the pouch I received as a young woman from my mother when I left home. These treasures I take with me on my journey. I am invited to a nest, a womb, the dark, and I am wrapped, and rocked and sung to, and I enter that space of pain that I called to release. I am still crying from that deep place, and I let the rage soak into my being as I begin to sweat in that small cocoon. I hear singing, drumming and a singing bowl, and the song of my beloved guides who call me through this place of pain and release.

This process took as long as it needed to. I don’t know how much time has passed, but I begin to sense an ease in the flow of my pain and I start to become quiet. I feel soothed and sweaty, and I am eager to explore the world outside that I cannot yet see, as I am still covered in my red silk, the silk I stitched for my wedding ceremony. I feel excited and playful, and piece by piece I take off an item of clothing and throw it out of the crack of blanket until I am stark naked. I take the time to uncover my face, and let the light of the day soak into my face. I lay on my back for the first time, as before I was crouched over my legs in the fetal position. I receive the bliss of this moment. My guides are over by the water, and I sit up, chest bare and feel so new. I feel like a baby just born. The air on my skin is such a blessing. I receive loving smiles, patient energy and a grounded feeling as I approach the water. I take my time to enter, pausing at the side of the water to take in this moment. Then I go in. It’s cold, but I feel committed to this. I find a small cocoon like rock form that goes down deeper with a small waterfall on top, and I find myself going under the water as far down as I can. I come up and approach my guides, my sisters. I am then covered in the clay and ocre I collected from the creek some weeks earlier. I am held, and seen, and loved. I say words and they are said back to me. I release my old names and the pain attached to them. I say affirmations and they are said back to me. I then begin to wash off the clay and feel the bliss in that release. I am new, I am transformed, I am transforming.

I find my way to the edge of the high rock, and my guides clamber down. I take my time as I’ve got a few metres to jump into the big pool below. My old habits with water come up again as I pause on the edge for longer than I thought I would. Then I am ready and I stand and jump, screaming as I go down. I arrive and feel as playful as a child in water. For the first time I explore the pool bottom with my feet, I am not afraid of the depth as I was before. I play and I float and I receive loving affirmations from my sisters. When I come out of the water I say “rise Lauren Grace” and they repeat it to me. I am now named with the surname of my choosing. I am received and I sit on a golden throne made from velvet and I am wrapped with hot water bottles in my chenille bedspread. I am fed spoons of honey, berries, nuts, chocolate, and given warm tea to drink. I hear my favourite music, and I am oiled, my hair braided and adorned. I can’t believe we created something so beautiful together. We have little chats about how wonderful it was, but mostly enjoy the bliss of this moment shared as sisters. I am invited up to put on my dress, the dress my heart wished for, and I made from my grandmothers sheet and doily. I receive my bone necklace, the one I made in preparation for this moment. I hold my bunch of laurel leaves, take my white grandmother blanket, my flute, and go and play on the rocks. I take this time to feel even deeper the bliss of this time, this string of moments, and the connection to this place, these trees and rocks. I am photographed and seen in this space, my rebirth….

~

Two years ago today this ceremony took place. A space I vulnerably called for from the depths of my pain and striving to connect to a new layer of myself. I knew these sisters who guided and held and documented the space. I was in a phase of separation from my husband, and in that I chose to let go of his name and place my middle name officially as my surname. I have always resonated with Grace and it has intuitively been my artist name, my art signature and something I was sad I didn’t use more often, that when I introduced myself it sat in the middle of my first and surname. I officially changed my name and claimed my own lineage as Grace. The symbolism of this event went back through my years of pain (much of this mentioned in my blog Radical Responsibility) and gave all that pain a chance to be intentionally released through processes which embodied those feelings and allowed the time for them to be gifted to the earth. My guides also knew of what I was releasing, but of course did not know everything, and the feelings I was having. They were there to metaphysically guide and physically support my transition, and they did this with utmost grace, care and gentleness.

What followed this day was a series of events that transformed my life - I birthed a new layer of my business, I started my singing circles, I re-united with my husband, I found a mentor and explored various therapies that supported my transformation. I brought more love and less rage to my parenting, and felt a new and intimate connection begin to build with my children. I started to become aware of where I was out of balance and found the confidence to create that balance again and this meant learning to say no and also learning to say yes!

I found a deep confidence I hadn’t felt before that was my own. This was a huge gift given my history of toxic relationships and being a highly sensitive person. While before I had felt fragmented, I started to feel embodied, as in, like I wasn’t floating around outside of myself, seeing myself from above. This may be hard to understand, but when we are in pain, we can feel like a shell. Claiming back those parts of ourselves with confidence is the most wonderful arrival back into the body we had all along. I realised that I had everything and everyone I needed around me to thrive. I began to feel that I was gifted, I was worthy, and I was enough, despite what I may have appeared to be to everyone else, I wasn’t necessarily feeling that way.

Almost all of the elements in the ceremony were of my calling, and what I had intuitively felt needed to happen. The only element I didn’t see in the planning phase was being in the cocoon, which is of course why I had the guides there - “you need to go into the dark” they said. “Oh yeah, of course”, I thought when they said that - “how could I just have a happy go lucky celebration of my new name that was about releasing the darkness without going into the dark!?!?” When they suggested it I experienced a full bodied “yes” and it actually made it feel like a re-birth because I was in the womb space. When I huddled over it resembled the times I used to cowl over and have tantrums as a child, or further still, the position I was in in utero. It was surprising that given that fact I knew myself to be clostrophobic, this process of being wrapped in the darkness felt completely natural in that setting, and was even comforting.

Calling this event into my healing journey and it being so personal was what made it so precious. I felt, in my own way I was honouring my ancestors ceremonies and all the knowledge they held about metaphysical transformation of pain. The ceremony has spoken to me every day since it happened. I mean that its effects have been like a comforting slow-burning unfolding, where I have connected to people and places that have aligned with my heart’s journey in support of my soul illuminating itself.

What more could I wish for - to live a life that brings fulfilment, peace and happiness to my experience here and to those I am in service of? To actually be able to feel my feelings and allow them space to be expressed and released? To do this for my children and my children’s children, and for the trauma and pain I hold in my lines from the past?

I share this because it is so integral to who I am today, and who I am as a person who guides spaces and creates art. I share this because I feel called to, and perhaps it may inspire or move you to a place of deepened alignment or release. I trust it be received with grace and understanding, knowing that we each have our own ways to journey through this life, and that this is my own way to heal and transform, which may not necessarily align with yours. That is ok - because we are all individuals and have our own calling in the time we are here on earth.

I am so grateful to my sisters who guided me through this space. They have helped hold me with love and grace towards a new layer of myself and I wouldn’t be the same person without this event happening with these two women, Odelle and Emma. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

~

I am here to speak into this more if you feel the call. In time I will be offering these spaces with Phoebe (who will also be guiding and documenting with photography) as a private ceremony to support women in whatever they are called to journey with. Please do stay in touch here if you would like to know more or hear from us later this year.

Thank you for reading my story and receiving my words, I am truly grateful.

With blessings,

Lauren Grace xx

Ceremony story written in Toowoomba (2023) and final section The Gap, Brisbane (2024). Photos by Emma Jean and ceremony co-created by us all with Odelle Wolfenden, March, 2022.

…..The images below are from the ceremony that I would love to share with you….

Re-Birth ~ a naming Ceremony

The stays project ~ a diary ~

Seven years of sewing